Down and Out
by Silver Evenstar
Summary: One hundred years ago, Victoria made a grave mistake. Now Bella is coming back to deal with her past when her dear pack friends decide she needs a little human interaction after so long. But when that intereaction bring Bella and the Cullens face to face
1. My Heart, His Heart

**_Disclaimer_**—I don't own anything but this loosely based plot. Edward does not belong to me *sigh* It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I don't own any of the songs used either. No copyright infringement intended. Please don't sue me!

**Prologue – My Heart, His Heart**

_Life is like a mean machine  
It made a mess outta me  
It left me caught between  
Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded  
And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake  
And I don't know how much more I can take  
This is it now  
Everybody get down  
This is all I can take  
This is how a heart breaks  
You take a hit now you feel it break down  
Make you stay wide awake  
This is how a heart breaks _

_**(Rob Thomas – This is how a Heart Breaks)**_

I could stand here forever. Frozen like the statue I knew I could be. I could just let time wash over me until it no longer existed—until I no longer existed in my mind. But of course that was a selfish idea, one that could never really work. Not if I was going to go through with this. I would forever be broken at heart. The call for my soul mate never answered. But I had already spent so much time accepting this idea I was used to the pain it brought.

But I was not going to let _his _soul mate die like this. They were all fighting to protect her, against the hordes of monsters that were both us and yet nothing like us. Victoria really had lost her mind hadn't she? Maybe even if James hadn't loved her, she had loved him. I guess I would probably do the same in her position, if someone had killed Edward.

Okay now that it was possible there was no actual question about it. But I don't think Victoria could tell the difference between _me_ and _her _any longer_._ Or maybe it was simply that I was no longer Edward's soul mate. Never was honestly—but I often avoided thinking this. She had no reason to want to kill me anymore. Just _her_.

And I was going to protect_ her_ at all costs, even if they didn't know it yet.

I stood at the edge of the field, watching the blurs fly. It didn't seem fair really. All this fighting just didn't make any sense. It should have ended a hundred years ago with the last ending beat of my heart. Or in the very least they should be after me. My bad luck apparently hadn't worn off even in my vampire state. Behind me I could feel the only three vampires I trusted as they assessed the situation—or one of them I trusted, the other two I could never be sure about. Would they wait until the battled tapered off and finish off those that survived, or would they follow me in?

I could clearly see my past family, flying and dodging attacks best they could. Clothes were torn off or in tatters. I couldn't help but hold my breath even if I didn't need it. I could lose this all over again, even if it never belonged to me in the first place. Miles behind us I could hear the screeching and metallic sound of tearing. My currently family, my pack, they were fighting off whatever monsters they could sink their teeth into. I could lose them too, if we didn't act fast.

And then there was her. Lying on the ground completely in shock and fear. I couldn't blame her. This was all over the desire to kill her. I couldn't silence the very monster core in me to just let that happen. My decision could easily turn the tide of this little war. But it was Edward's constant presence that reminded me why I was doing this. He was trying to position himself in front of her. To get to her, protect her. And he couldn't.

"It's time. You either follow or you don't. Your choice." And I stepped out into the field in a blur. Stopping to stand before her, staring down at her blue eyes at her shock. And then I turned to face the onslaught that I knew was coming from my sudden appearance in the field.


	2. Denial

**Chapter 1 – Denial**

_I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years  
Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead _

_**(One Republic – Stop and Stare)**_

Demetri didn't have to look at me for me to know exactly what he was thinking. He rather hated the pack though I guess I could understand to a point. He wouldn't even get within ten feet of me the first time I had arrived in Volterra until I had washed the _stink_ off me. Several times. It was actually kind of hilarious the way his nose would wrinkle every time I walked by for the first month, like he expected the smell to never come off.

But I couldn't quite complain. Demetri was the easiest of the guard to be around. He respected the need for space—that I wasn't here to be part of the guard. Felix was a little pain in the ass however right along with Jane. I don't know if it was loneliness or if he was just naturally so persistent for a mate. He didn't seem to get that I didn't _want_ a mate. Most certainly not him in the very least.

Jane was no better really. When I had arrived looking for the Volturi I didn't know at the time about any dormant powers my mind held. Once Aro found he couldn't read my mind however, he immediately wanted to explore my ability—and often doted on me for it. Jane obviously hated Aro's affection for me, even if I didn't want it.

Caius wasn't too happy with me around either. I refused to be part of the guard, and also follow their lifestyle. When I needed to feed I would head into the forest with a member of the guard, usually Demetri as he was the only one I could put up with for any length of time. I think it annoyed him to no end that I could easily walk past the hordes of humans they brought in despite whatever thirst I felt. It was obvious he felt I was taking advantage of their _hospitality_. If you could call it that.

"You are positive that you want to do this? You've been with us for a very... long time." I dropped the poor drained creature I had been feeding on and sighed. It felt odd that I considered Demetri the closest thing to family after the pack. A brother of sorts that I never had. He was taking it upon himself to make sure I could leave in the first place.

"As you said—it's been a long time. I've lived here for nearly half a century Demetri. Learned all I can about my shielding abilities, but it won't be long before they truly expect me to join the guard. You know that." His silence told me I was right. He avoided responding to that for a reason.

"Jane will certainly be pleased with your leaving. However I do believe you'll break poor Felix's heart." Despite the bored tone he presented me I knew he was joking. I grinned lightly at him and locked my arm into his and began to drag him back towards the walls of Volterra.

"Yes I'm afraid he'll have to find some other female to begin wooing—" I stopped in my tracks for a moment and eyed Demetri carefully. "You don't think he'll follow me do you?" The last thing I needed was a surprise visit in La Push.

"I doubt Felix would put up with the smell of those mutts long enough to even make a move for you. You'll be safe on that account." He laughed, before shaking his head almost sadly. He didn't trust Jacob or the pack. Old instincts drove the Volturi mad at times I thought.

"Ah well, it's probably better that way don't you think?" I released his arm as I nimbly leaped up to grab the outer edge of the city walls. I was vaguely aware of Demetri following me as I dropped into the pitch black alleyway. The near dead silence in the city was odd, even for this time of night.

"Took you two long enough." I frowned and rolled my eyes as I headed down the alleyway towards the drain at the far end. Demetri muttered something so low at Jane that I didn't even really hear it, and followed after me. Jane snickered but kept as much distance between me and her as usual.

The undergrounds always left me feeling odd, almost empty. I'm sure none of the other vampires felt it—or even thought about it really. I knew it was cold, but physically I couldn't feel it. Volterra made me feel like a vampire. Cold, dead, and heartless. I really hated how bitter I became in the underground. Maybe because it reflected how I felt inside most of the time...

The receptionist room was oddly full though. Gianna was obviously trying to convince Aro of something, but they must've heard that we were coming. She looked incredibly annoyed as she glared at the desk, with Aro grinning down at her. Marcus was also in the room, right behind him was Alec and Felix. Sitting on the couch, Heidi too looked annoyed, but not nearly as much as Gianna however. The _lucky_ chosen human to become a vampire years ago, yet not a member of the guard. No Gianna was _still_ stuck as a receptionist—probably what she was conversing with Aro over.

I tilted my head a bit towards Marcus before I went to sit next to Heidi. The fact that Marcus was here and Caius was not was almost nerve wracking. I knew what was coming. Heidi smirked at me slightly, before glancing at Jane's scowling features.

"My dear ones you've returned!" Jane skipped to Aro's side despite her mood and smiled brightly up at him. If only vampires could throw up. I felt Felix step up behind me near the couch and I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from growling. _Too close_. _Much too close._ Demetri sensed my immediate discomfort and planted himself next to Felix.

"Isabella how was the hunt?" I restrained my eye roll and ignored the glare from Jane, smiling up as blandly as I could at Aro.

"Enjoyable. Thank you for letting Demetri accompany me." As if you'd let me wander off by myself.

"I heard you were planning on leaving us soon. I was rather hoping that you felt close enough to us now to join the guard." Damn Felix. I'd have to be careful how I phrased this—I couldn't afford to insult them. I wanted to leave with little to no trouble.

"That's... very kind of you as always Aro. However—" Jane hissed under her breath and I bit down on my tongue from responding for a moment. I could practically read her mind, wasn't very pleasant either. " I have some loose ends I left back in Forks and La Push. You've been so kind letting me stay here Aro. I can't honestly thank you enough."

Aro's composure seemed tense for a moment, before he glanced at Marcus. Alec had moved to Jane's side, rubbing her arm in an almost comforting manner. He actually was restraining her, it was a threat. He'd use his powers if he had to. Aro wanted me too much.

"Perhaps you could join us for the New Year party, maybe by then you will have changed your mind..." I was surprised. This didn't come from Aro, but Marcus. I blinked several times, glad that I couldn't blush anymore. Half a century and he had never said a word to me. Raising his brow, Marcus didn't say anything else.

"Um.... sure. Alright." I couldn't think of anything else to say. Marcus did the impossible. He put a vampire in shock.

-------

La Push didn't look much different from a distance. Then again, I only had human memories of it. When I had left La Push, I had never looked back. At the time it was too painful. Not that it still wasn't, most of the people I knew had passed away by now. Not to mention all the connecting ties to my past.

I hadn't called ahead, my excuse would be I wanted to surprise the pack. Of course in reality I was more afraid than anything else. I wasn't sure if I could get even remotely close to La Push without being overwhelmed with emotions. It seemed all that controlling of emotions when I was human paid off. I paid no attention to the part of my mind now capable of thinking constantly about what I lost...

It had was about twenty-four hours however, doing nothing but stare at La Push move through the motions of life before I finally picked up my cell phone. The ebbing in my chest which I most usually ignored seemed to flair to life. It was almost impossible to ignore until Jacob picked up the phone.

"Bella! Hey how are you?" I smiled lightly at Jake's voice. Didn't matter how many years went by, he always greeted me like I was the best thing in his world.

"Hey Jacob. I have a surprise for you—left it waiting at the end of the treaty line. Best go get it before someone else finds it."

"Really Bella I don't want gifts... I want you to come see us again. The pack is missing you, getting really annoying on my back about it too. They think I ain't trying hard enough—"

"Oh shut up Jake and get to the line. You know grove that's just a few miles north of La Push." I snapped the phone shut and leaned back against a tree behind me. It wasn't necessary but it made me feel better. Heidi said my human instincts were still very strong, even after so long.

Waiting for Jacob, even if it would only take a few minutes, would be the longest wait I'd have to go through in a long time. Time flew by me, I barely noticed it anymore, but this was different. Because despite what I told Demetri, I wasn't so sure I was ready either.

I was in complete denial I knew. The part of my brain that focused on my past, was also pulsing denial through the diamond body like a drug. Because it didn't matter how long I told myself I was ready. Or that it didn't matter anymore. Or that I could handle this without breaking down.

Truth was, I would never be able to handle this without breaking down. I knew that. But so long as I didn't break down in front of those who I cared about the most—kept them in the dark, that I _was _okay_, _it would be fine. Because I couldn't stand to hurt my family—my pack anymore.

They were all I had left.


End file.
